Make a Memory

"Nothing is nobler, stronger, more vital, or more useful in future life than some happy memory, especially one from your family home. A lot is said about upbringing, but perhaps the best upbringing is some lovely, holy memory preserved from one's childhood. If a man carries many such memories with him, they will keep him safe throughout his life. And even if only one such memory stays in our hearts, it may prove to be our salvation one day."

Fyodor Dostoevsky from The Brother's Karamazov

Count of Monte Cristo

"Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome. Do your worst, for I will do mine!"

- Count of Monte Cristo

A Disney Experience

For a Sunday:

The Day is what you make it. So why don't we go to church excited, it's another opportunity to be in the Prescence of God!

Think of it this way: You are a 7-9 year old. You get to go to Disneyland. You've never been to that place of Magic. You get there early (you wouldn't want to miss a thing), you walk into the Park and suddenly you're surrounded by all of the characters you've only seen in movies;Mickey Mouse, Goofy, Cinderella.

Your eyes are wide open, mouth has dropped in awe, it's real.

Now, imagine coming into the Presence of the One who Lived and Died for you... He rose again and longs to live in you. His glory fills the room. Your eyes open wide, mouth drops open, and your hands slowly raise. You are in the Presence of your Creator.

This, my friends, beats Disneyland hands down.

Free

Today I woke up really grouchy and irritable. I stomped through the house getting ready. I stomped to my book bag grabbed it and with a half-hearted "Love you, Bye." I stomped to the wet, dirty, brown '98 Mercury Mystique. I started down the road with the hugest frown on my face. Flipped the radio on with a "you had better work" snarl. As the happy morning tunes poured out the speakers, I began to think. "Why am I frowning and grouchy when there is no good reason. God woke me up. I got to get out of a comfy bed. I got to eat good food. I had clothes to wear. SO why am I so stinking' grouchy?"
As I was contemplating this with a frown on my face the radio began to play "I am Free." I began to sing to the top of my voice, "I am free to run. I am free to dance. I am free to live for YOU. Oh yes, I am FREE!" I almost started crying. Here I was frowning and grouchy complaining to the world about the unfairness of having to get up so I can go to college that I don't have to pay for, when Jesus had made me free.
Sometimes we get so caught up in the routine of life. The drudgery of having go to work, go to school, go to choir practice, go home to see my family, and then do the whole thing over and over again. We frown as we go down the road. We snarl at that jerk that cut us off. We mutter under our breath as the lady in the checkout lane takes way too long.
It's no wonder that we have a hard time getting people to go to church with us. If I was them I wouldn't want to be involved in something that would make me frown.
Jesus Christ, God in the Flesh of man has made us FREE. We are free to escape those very bonds that hold onto our neighbor so tight. Romans 6:22 says, "But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life."
We are free from sin. WHY DON'T WE ACT LIKE IT!?

Through you the blind will see Through you the mute will sing Through you the dead will rise Through you our hearts will praise Through you the darkness flees Through you my heart screams I am free I am free!

Why yes, I'm a Firefighter

I realize that life flies by way to quickly. As Louie Giglio says, " Life is a "snap" and then it's over." If life flies quickly then we had better start accomplishing our life purpose quickly and efficiently. I listened to Louie Giglio talk about "Life purpose" and the reason we were placed on this planet. When he said that 1,637,028,000 people on this planet are unreachable. Meaning there is no missionaries or organizations able to get to these people. In China, 317 of the 500 people groups do not have even Bible portions available in their primary language. People groups, not people.
When God created us we were stamped with a purpose. That purpose is to share Jesus' love and passion with others. To make His glory known.
"Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples."Psa 96:3

In Acts 1, Jesus told us that He would give us power to be witnesses,
8But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judaea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth.

We need to make the mark of Christ on our community, nation and fellow nations. We are literally spiritual firefighters running towards the burning rubble of unreached lives. God, give us a passion for reaching lives for You.
Let it be unquenchable.

Undignified

I have found a new favorite verse.

II Samuel 6
When David is bringing the Ark back into Jerusalem, he danced before God. As he entered the city , his wife Mical watched and despised him in heart. When he came home, she mocked him. And he replied,

Verse:21 "It was before the LORD, who chose me rather than your father or anyone from his house when he appointed me ruler over the LORD's people Israel—I will celebrate before the LORD. Verse22: I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes..."

Wow! " I will become more undignified than this." Perhaps it's time we stopped wondering about what people think about our worship and just let go. It's time to break our box of worship and pour it out upon the Master's feet. He is worthy, so let it all go. Let go of pride and step out.

An act of faith

My trip to La. was so amazing! On the way down there Brooke and I started talking about Faith & expectancy. Then we got onto the subject with my Grandmama. Sunday morning, Lacey got up and spoke about Faith and the importance of it. Sunday night, Bro. Anthony spoke about how God wants to do greater than we ask. Example: ask for one tree, get 4 trees. lol!
It was like God was repeatedly reminding me to wait and trust in Him. It's not easy to do when you're an individual who likes to have everything planned out in advance. *smile* God longs for total trust from us, not just a Sunday night or Wednesday night belief. Totally trusting, 24/7 in Him and what He has planned for us. I have to smile when I think about how much I doubt God's ability to direct my life. He created me and He doesn't sit up in His heavenly throne room and think up ways to mess me up. Total trust in the One who knows all and created all shouldn't be that hard. But it is. Why? We seem to have this false Idea that our lives are our own.

God's Will is an ocean at the bottom of the cliff called Doubt.

Faith is the act of leaping from Doubt into God's Will.

Won't you join me in the swan dive?

Verse for the Day: " Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. 3By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible." Hebrews 11:1, 3

Meeting my Creator

Sometimes I think we forget where we came from. I am a 4th generation Pentecostal. Wow...not many can say that. And that is a blessing but it can also be a hinderence. I have always been in church. I wrote someone in an email and told them that I know the talk and shoutin' two-step. I know how to pray the right words and how to say, "God bless..." at the right times. But I didn't know God until about a year ago.
I went off to college and began to question my parent's faith. It wasn't mine. It was my grandparent's and my parent's faith. I just acted as if I had their faith. I don't remember what caused it or even why, but I began to dig down to the roots of their faith. "Why do we do this?" & "Why do we do that? " I didn't tell anyone about my doubts because we all know that PK's are supposed to have the answers. I discovered in my network of roots many weeds. So much bitterness concerning the Church and our standards. I hated the burden that was placed on my parents, and I hated the heavier standard placed on me due to my parent's position in the Church. I started doing some soul searching. I began to really read my Bible, not as a chore, But as a life-line. I remember praying one day about having to deal with a certain issue. I remember opening my Bible to Isaiah 46:3-4,8-11.

3 "Listen to me, O house of Jacob,all you who remain of the house of Israe

you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth.
4 Even to your old age and gray hairsI am he, I am he who will sustain you.

I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
8 "Remember this, fix it in mind, take it to heart, you rebels.
9 Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God, and there is no other;

I am God, and there is none like me.
10 I make known the end from the beginning,from ancient times, what is still to come.

I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.
11 From the east I summon a bird of prey; from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose. What I have said, that will I bring about; what I have planned, that will I do.

As I read those words, I began to cry. He knew what I was going through and questioning. He already knew the problem and was working in my behalf. He created me, Rachal M. Crabtree to worship and be used by Him. He is my Rock. He is my Fortress. And He will guide me.
From then on, I began to rely more heavily on God. Only on Him can you truly rely.

" He sees each tear that falls, and He catches you when you fall. He knows my name...He hears me when I call."

Freefalling

There is no better place to be than in the center of God's will.
Unless it's in His Prescence.
That quote has been echoing through my mind.

If you are in the center of God's will, you are in Him. You are in His complete prescence.

I have no doubt that I am in His will right now. But my path is starting to disappear. It's as if the road I'm on is fading in this fog.

It feels like God is saying, " Just trust Rae...just trust me completely, And all will fall into place." I'm the type of person who loves pre-planning. I can be spontaneous, but I LOVE to know what I'm going to be doing and where I'm going.
"God, I can't see the stepping-stone in front of me!! What do you want from me?! "
God says: " Just step out. I am here. No fear, just complete Faith in Me."
I suppose I'm on that cliff again. That dumb cliff of self-doubt looking over this gorgeous ocean of God's will. All God wants is my best free dive...
My soul says, " Dive."
My mind says, " What if I belly flop it?"
God says: " There are no belly flops in My Will. Just Dive, Rae.

Just Dive...."

Shine

Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in Heaven. Matthew 5:16

Many when the see this verse think of a Candle.
A candle dimly burning in a dark room. Vaguely lighting the way.

Ummm... Nada.
Think bigger than that.
Think an all-consuming light that burns into the deepest, darkest corners.
Imagine a light so beautiful and striking that darkness just rolls back into nothingness.

A Light that looks into the face of darkness and scoffs.
A light that forces the ranks of darkness back.
I want that all-consuming Light that draws the world-weary.
I want the Creator to shine through me.

Not Glimmer, Not twinkle.

Shine.

So shine & make them wonder what you got,

Carried by Him

Do you ever wish that things were as they once were? Like when you were a kid you never had to worry about life, family and friends. Then suddenly you're older and life just dumps on you. This happened to me about 2 years ago and I have felt like I have been fighting just to keep my head above water ever since. Then a dear friend of mine told me she had been having almost the same problem, and she let me in on a bit of wisdom. Those things you have held so close to your heart and won't let anyone else hold because they were YOUR concerns and YOUR trials to bear. All of those things, just give them to Jesus, The Eternal One, The Protector and Provider. Put all those things into the nail-scarred hands. HE will bear them for you. So that's what I did; I just told Him that I couldn't handle this weight and these frustrations anymore. I gave them to Him. He holds my problems and frustrations now. He knows every tear I cry in anger and pain. "He knows my name and my every thought. He sees each tear that falls, and He hears me when I call." HE KNOWS MY NAME! I don't know about the rest of ya'll but when I think about GOD , The Supreme Being, The Alpha and Omega knowing my name, it just amazes me. And brings me to my knees in awe. And then there is the thought that HE holds my problems and burdens in His hands. He cares enough to pick up my Junk and says, " Rae, let me carry this for you."
Lord, I am Amazed by you and how you Love me.

A Quote

" Don't listen to the feelings of your heart,

but rather, listen to the thoughts of your heart."

Seeking after Him

~The More I seek You~
The More I seek You/The more I find You/The more I find you/ The more I love you./I want to sit at your feet/Drink from the cup in your hand/ Lay back against you and Breathe/Feel you heart Beat./This love is so Deep./It's more than I stand/I melt in your peace/It's overwhelming./ I want to be close./Closer than I've ever been./Face to face./With my eyes on you./Draw me nearer./So close that I never want to let go.

Some days you need to just sit in Jesus' arms and let him hold you. You feel His presence overwhelm you and all you can do is soak in it, breathe it, and bask in His Love.
I read this book, A Man called Blessed and in it this guy gives this girl a challenge. He tells her sometimes you have to believe in God to the point if he told you to jump off a mountain, you'd go. That what we have to do sometimes, Just jump off the mountain of uncertainty into the Ocean of God's Presence. Swim in it, drown in it, saturate ourselves in Him. That's what I want. To take the plunge into God's Ocean. Become saturated in the Presence of God.

Are you ready to take the Plunge?

Rigoletto

"There is nothing more mean and ugly in this world than to have a loving gift, a beautiful spirit, and a desire to give and share these things when there is no one to share them with." ~Rigoletto

Abounding Grace

" History doesn't repeat its' self, people just never learn from history."

Quite true, quite true. I have been really thinking about Faith lately. "Faith is the essence of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Faith is when you place everything you worry about, hope about, and dream about in the Hands of one's Creator. Faith is saying, " Ok God, I don't understand this right now. I don't like it either, but I place this in Your sovereign hands. God has a perfect place and plan for us. Sometimes I think God must sit back and have a good laugh when I tell Him my plans. I need to learn to lay down my hopes, dreams, and desires and pick up His. He has the perfect Blueprint for my life. When we learn to lay down our plans, and pick up His we are accomplishing His Will.
One of my Favorite quotes says: " There is no better place to be than in the center of God's will unless, it is in His Prescence."

So God, in times I DON'T understand, may Your Grace be enough,

LifeSong

There is a song out by Casting Crowns and the name of the song is Lifesong. It talks about letting our lifesong sing to God. So that everyday when we sign the day goodbye, we can sign Jesus Christ to our day.
What type of song are you singing? Is it a soft pleasing melody? A coarse or harsh note played with anger? Or is a complete symphony playing Mozart with such eloquence?
What is your lifesong Singing?? God, my prayer is that my Lifesong sings of You and that YOU sing of my Lifesong.

The Balm of Being Still

She stands lonely on the hill. Her face is tear-stained and bruised. Her spirit, like her clothing, is tattered and torn. She sinks to her knees sobbing... What else can she do? Where is hope? Where is Faith? Where is HE who promised to always be there!? She lifts her head to the sky and screams, " Where are You!? You so called Father to the fatherless, defender of the weak and oppressed! Where are YOU? I need you. Do you not see what is happening? Can you not tell my heart is breaking? "

She drops her head in silent defeat. And then she hears it. Someone is near is crying. She lifts her head and with a shaking hand wipes tears away. Then she sees Him. He is standing right next to her. He is crying. He looks at her with eyes filled with sadness and strangely enough, understanding. He sits down next to her and says, " I remember a time like this in my life. I was confused and lonely. No one understood the why or the how except me. I watched as those who I loved broke my heart. They didn't seem to realize that I was going through death for them. They mocked me and ridicled me.I was on a hill much like this one. I hung there and screamed into the heavens , ' " MY GOD! WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME!?'. "

She can't look away from His eyes. She sees the pain and anguish He went through. She begins to cry again. She knows this story. Could it be that the Savior knows exactly what she felt? And as if in reply to her thought He said, " Child, I was there when the first blow came. I was there when you ran to pray for guidence. I was holding you when you had to make that decision. I was there the night you cried yourself to sleep.I shielded you from the worst pain and you never knew. I was there when you screamed out the pain in your soul. I AM here and I AM working in your behalf. You cannot see what the outcome of this battle will be. But I have seen the Beginning and the End. And I AM already there. All I ask is that you wait and watch . "

She falls to her face sobbing, " Oh my God! Give me strength..." She feels a hand wipe away her tears.

" I AM here and I will not leave you nor forsake you. You may not see Me but I AM still here with you. I will uphold you with my Mighty right hand. I AM working for you. So my child, ...

Be still and know that I AM God.

Be still and know...

Puzzle pieces

How can you miss something so bad

How can a loneliness for that one thing overwhelm you at times

Why can you imagine it so perfectly

And see it occurring a dozen times

echoing over and over

in your head

You know exactly what it is

but not so that you could describe it

How could you know all this

And not know who and what it is

And still miss it so badly

I miss a puzzle piece.

Anne

"For a moment Anne's heart fluttered queerly and for the first rtime her eyes faltered under Gilbert's gaze and a rosy flush stained the paleness of her face. It was as if a veil that had hung before her inner conscienceness had been lifted, giving to her view a revelation of unsupected feelings and realities. Perhaps, after all, romance did not come into one's life with pomp and blare, like a gay knight riding down; perhaps it revealed itself in seeming prose, until some sudden shaft of illumination flung athwart its pages betrayed the rhythm and the music; perhaps...perhaps...love unfolded naturally out of a beautiful friendship, as a golden-hearted rose slipping from its green sheath.
Then the veil dropped again; but the Anne who walked up the dark lane was not quite the same Anne who had driven gaily down it the evening before. The page of the girlhood had been turned, as by an unseen finger, and the page of womanhood was before her with all its charm and mystery, its pain and gladness."

Anne of Avonlea

Finding Myself

Amazing love,

now what else shall I need

Your name brings life,

it's more than the air I breathe

My world has changed,

when Your life You gave for me

My purpose found

and all that You want for me

And I've found myself in You,Lord

And I've found myself in You

So take me to a place

where I can see You face to face

and all I wanna do,

all I wanna do

is worship You

My State: Confusion

Ever felt like this?
We all have.
But you know...
the state of confusion we're in doesn't matter.
What matters is what we do in our
state of confusion.
Are we going to leap out in FULL faith?
Or sit back and wait for a voice from the sky?
Perhaps HE is waiting to see the action you will take...
Will you trust completely?
Or be constrained by doubt?
The choice is yours...

~Rae

Rainy Romance

I've fallen in love with rain. There is a peace in rain. There is also a mystery in rain.

It can fool you with it's pitter-patter on the sidewalk
And then suddenly split the skies with thundering force.
It can wash away yesterday's drawings in the sand
And make all clean and new.

There is a romance in it.
I just heart rain.

~Rae

Inside Out

I am so sick and tired of this hypocrisy!! I'm tired of sitting in church and hearing Pastors pour out the Message from God and seeing no movement. We sit and look around to see who God was speaking to today. You dumb idiots! HE has been speaking to us and what do we do? Ignore Him.
We are the Pharisees of today. We pride ourselves on looking the part and "acting" the part when in reality we are no better than the next person.
Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which indeed appear beautiful outside, but inside they are full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness. Matt. 23:27
Oh God, forgive us. We have been so busy maintaining the OUTSIDE of the cup that we forgot the INSIDE. The outside is important. It is important to "look" holy, but if we aren't holy then we aren't worth beans to God.
We can "Amen!" the Pastor and act all into Christ on Sundays and Wednesdays but what does it matter if we just pretend?? What does our pretending do for those watching us? Nothing... in the end we will be shown for the big fakers we are.
It's time to become real. It's time to start cleaning out the filth in our lives. It's time to change the INSIDE of the cup. It may mean the saving of your life and the life of someone else.
What do you have to lose?
Everything.
For the Son of Man shall come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and then He shall reward each one according to his works. Matt. 16:27

Note: Jesus said Works, Not pretend games.
~Rae

Sheltered

essential and appealed, carry all your thoughts across an open field,when flowers gaze at you...they're not the only ones who cry when they see you. you said...i think i need a sunrise, i'm tired of the sunset,i hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice...boston...

The other night I was playing on the computer and as I played I began to hum, then softly sing bits & pieces of songs that would come to mind-- At the Cross, Boston, and other completely random songs. And then one song came striding through my mind, What a Friend we have in Jesus.
I began to sing and pray. And at that moment, God Creator of All, wrapped me up in the most comforting hug. I needed that. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in me and my problems and my decisions that I forget that Man who is always waiting just to hold me. The Man who took it upon himself to see me 2000 thousand years ago & die to be with me. Mom, it reminds me of that Madonna Massy song, Whatta Man. Who am I that HE would take time to hold and comfort me??
Jesus, hold me closely. Hide me in the shelter of your wings.
Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care? Precious Savior, still our refuge; take it to the Lord in prayer. Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer! In his arms he'll take and shield thee; thou wilt find a solace there.

Reveling in my God's Arms,
~Rae