Sometimes I think we forget where we came from. I am a 4th generation Pentecostal. Wow...not many can say that. And that is a blessing but it can also be a hinderence. I have always been in church. I wrote someone in an email and told them that I know the talk and shoutin' two-step. I know how to pray the right words and how to say, "God bless..." at the right times. But I didn't know God until about a year ago.
I went off to college and began to question my parent's faith. It wasn't mine. It was my grandparent's and my parent's faith. I just acted as if I had their faith. I don't remember what caused it or even why, but I began to dig down to the roots of their faith. "Why do we do this?" & "Why do we do that? " I didn't tell anyone about my doubts because we all know that PK's are supposed to have the answers. I discovered in my network of roots many weeds. So much bitterness concerning the Church and our standards. I hated the burden that was placed on my parents, and I hated the heavier standard placed on me due to my parent's position in the Church. I started doing some soul searching. I began to really read my Bible, not as a chore, But as a life-line. I remember praying one day about having to deal with a certain issue. I remember opening my Bible to Isaiah 46:3-4,8-11.
I went off to college and began to question my parent's faith. It wasn't mine. It was my grandparent's and my parent's faith. I just acted as if I had their faith. I don't remember what caused it or even why, but I began to dig down to the roots of their faith. "Why do we do this?" & "Why do we do that? " I didn't tell anyone about my doubts because we all know that PK's are supposed to have the answers. I discovered in my network of roots many weeds. So much bitterness concerning the Church and our standards. I hated the burden that was placed on my parents, and I hated the heavier standard placed on me due to my parent's position in the Church. I started doing some soul searching. I began to really read my Bible, not as a chore, But as a life-line. I remember praying one day about having to deal with a certain issue. I remember opening my Bible to Isaiah 46:3-4,8-11.
3 "Listen to me, O house of Jacob,all you who remain of the house of Israe
you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth.
4 Even to your old age and gray hairsI am he, I am he who will sustain you.
4 Even to your old age and gray hairsI am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
8 "Remember this, fix it in mind, take it to heart, you rebels.
9 Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God, and there is no other;
8 "Remember this, fix it in mind, take it to heart, you rebels.
9 Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God, and there is no other;
I am God, and there is none like me.
10 I make known the end from the beginning,from ancient times, what is still to come.
10 I make known the end from the beginning,from ancient times, what is still to come.
I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.
11 From the east I summon a bird of prey; from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose. What I have said, that will I bring about; what I have planned, that will I do.
11 From the east I summon a bird of prey; from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose. What I have said, that will I bring about; what I have planned, that will I do.
As I read those words, I began to cry. He knew what I was going through and questioning. He already knew the problem and was working in my behalf. He created me, Rachal M. Crabtree to worship and be used by Him. He is my Rock. He is my Fortress. And He will guide me.
From then on, I began to rely more heavily on God. Only on Him can you truly rely.
" He sees each tear that falls, and He catches you when you fall. He knows my name...He hears me when I call."
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