Thoughts of my Heart

"Just remember that God has written His own story for you and it's not the feelings of your heart that it should be based upon but rather the thoughts of your heart that you need to hear.

That inner voice that tells you that this man will care for you no matter what, that he'll still want to kiss you when you're old and gray. Tend to you when you're sick. Honor you."

 -Marty, Loves' Enduring Promise

 Recently, my heart has been full of thoughts; thoughts of past, present and future.

Thoughts of Past: These last few weeks I've spent time reconnecting with old friends. It's been a needed step. As life takes it's natural course some friendships slowly unravel, others strengthen, and some just drift away as if they never were. I've been working on strengthening those unraveling relationships; the one's to which I don't dedicate enough time or effort. It's been a process of re-training myself to not be so selfish and to pour more of my emotional energy into these friendships. But they're worth it. These are the friends who will always be in my life; a constant reminders of better times and hopeful futures.

Thoughts of Present: Currently my heart and mind has been pulling in so many various directions; so many heart thoughts these days. My heart is full of hopes, dreams, doubts and worries. During this present time I'm learning trust and patience to be very hard life lessons. The song says, "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take Him at His word..." I'm finding that I've interpreted that song to mean "tis so EASY to trust in Jesus..."  Completely trusting Him is not the easiest of tasks. I find myself laying my worries in His highly capable hands and then taking them right back into my hands because I lack the patience in allowing Him to deal with them. When things aren't occurring in the time frame I want, I tend to want to take charge and worry those cares along MY CHOSEN path. However, I am quickly learning that when I take matters into my own frail hands I open the door for emotional, spiritual, and physical chaos. Patience is key when trusting Him with my present worries over my future.

Thoughts of Future: The future has been occupying most of my heart thoughts lately. I can't walk down a street, watch a movie, open a book, read FB or Twitter, or sit with my family without thinking about my future. The other day I opened a magazine and saw an advertisement for adoption. My heart about went into overdrive thinking about my child who is out there somewhere just waiting for their mom. Precious one, I'm coming,... Just keep waiting for me. My heart thinks about my unborn biological children. What will their names be? Which parent will they look like? I hope they're little rascals with terrific imaginations. I know they will have a great Dad because I'm waiting & praying for him to be. He will be a leader. He will be strong and wise. He will be kind, honorable and loving. He will laugh and cry with me. He will be one on whom I can lean and trust. He will be Christ-centered and kingdom minded. We will serve God with all that we have. We will work in ministry doing our part in rescuing the dying lives of those around us. We will be driven by passion and fueled with a desire for His will to be accomplished in us. 

These are the thoughts of my heart. They give me hope and purpose because I know the One who holds my life in His hands. Sometimes I forget to trust Him with my heart thoughts. Sometimes I try to skip ahead in my story. But He IS patience and He has trust in me because He designed me. And God does NOT create junk.

And knowing this great, wonderful, beautiful, hopeful fact, I pull a Mary, Mother of Jesus & "hold these things in my heart." I hold onto these thoughts of past, present, & future and I hold them close.